she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
