You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
