Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
