If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
