I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
