he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
