Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
