Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
