Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
