apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
