I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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