If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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