A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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