remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
