I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
