My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
