I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
