I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
