wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
