his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
