I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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