Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
