So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
