WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
