Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
