I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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