Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
