The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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