Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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