I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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