I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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