i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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