Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
