It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
