if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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