I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
