So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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