Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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