I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My vagina just recognized that song.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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