Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
So many bounce houses so little time
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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