i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
