Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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