how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
