I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
