Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
