Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
