Plan B is the new Plan A
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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