dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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