ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
