oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
