I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
