I think i peed on brittanys purse
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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