dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she pinky promised me she was 18
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
