happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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