There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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