I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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