Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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