I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize