I want to make a zoo with you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
