I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
