U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I AM VODKA MAN
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
