We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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