Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
