I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
