Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
